You'll Never Know What Hit You

 

Her electric blue eyes stared straight into his cobalt ones.

 

She pursed her lips, crossing her arms as she stood there in her nun outfit. He just smirked, though he looked uneasy.

 

“You know, I’m only considering this because I have a goddess on my tail,” Thalia glared. “Lady Artemis is being difficult.”

 

He shrugged. “And I have Triton on my ass. Despite all the other competitors, those two are the ones we mainly deal with. So?”

 

Thalia grunted before shoving her hand out. They shook on it, and suddenly they started smirking at each other.

 

And so this unholy union was born.

 

They high-fived each other. “Alright! Team Thaluke! Let’s beat these bitches.”

 

Together, they began to plot and scheme up scenarios to work in their way in order to get to Percy, all the while planning on backstabbing the other when it came to the end.

 

Meanwhile, as those two were agreeing to work together, two other people decided that they were going to ally as well.

 

“Why would I want to ally with you?” Rachel blurted out.

 

Er, well, they were thinking about allying with other. Discussing. Yes, discussing…

 

Annabeth huffed. “I heard Thalia was allying with Luke. I thought it would be a good idea to ally with someone, considering they were and the gods are crazy and running rampart. It’s like Capture the Flag, and besides, Athena –I always have a plan. This would help us out in beating all the others.”

 

Rachel stared at her. “Why’d you say you always have a plan? You usually say ‘Athena.’”

 

Annabeth scowled. “Of course I’m not going to mention her. Mother’s my rival now! I can’t mention her.”

 

“Makes sense,” Rachel shrugged. “Since you’re competing. I guess I’ll ally with you.”

 

Annabeth grinned wildly. “Yes! They’ll never know what hit them. Neither will Percy either, but in a good way. Guys like girl on girl action –”

 

“Wait, what?” Rachel gaped at her.

 

The blonde sighed patiently. “Guys like that stuff. Especially teenagers. You know, hormones and stuff. We’ve gotta up our game, girl! We’ll be left behind and unnoticed if we don’t do anything drastic.”

 

“One, I’m not gonna jump the shark,” Rachel twitched. “And that wasn’t an innuendo. Two, what if Percy’s not like that? You don’t know if he is.”

 

Annabeth backtracked. “Well…we’ll improvise.”

 

Ah well. In for the buck, go all in.

 

But still. Girl on girl, sounds like all those badly written lemons floating around on the internet…Rachel blinked. She’d liked to write a lemon between her and Percy…

 

She unconsciously began to drool and had spaced out, daydreaming about things too much for the teenage mind to handle while conversing with Annabeth. Annabeth stared weirdly at the dazed red-head. What in the world?

 

“Rachel?”

 

A drip of blood dripped down Rachel’s nose, and she fell back as she passed out with a wide grin on her face.

 

Annabeth blinked. Had that…been a perverted nosebleed?

 

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The intense glares and threatening grins were uncomfortable, but nothing that Hades was particularly worried or truly scared about. He was the Lord of the Underworld after all.

 

(That said, he might be just the tiniest afraid, given that overprotective fathers and psycho brothers can be a very terrifying experience indeed –especially with tridents getting involved and threateningly leaning against the wall behind them.)

 

“I don’t know if you know this, Percy,” Triton started with a sly grin. “But Uncle Hades can be…smooth about things. Very sly.”

 

“Perseus –Percy,” Hades ironically stumbled. Tartarus, he’d been all smooth about that too. He’d switched from the Perseus to Percy from the beginning of the dinner date, making things informal and intimate (and since he knew Percy preferred so), and the name change hadn’t been so obvious until now, when these two fools were beginning to trip him up. Percy hadn’t mentioned the change and spoken against it, which Hades took as him being allowed to be so familiar with him. But now that Hades put the focus on it, would he change his mind?

 

“I, er,” he mentally glowered at the two becoming increasingly delighted that he was starting to fumble and lose his cool for once. “Suppose. I could be very…persuasive, so to say,” he grasped onto what control he had left and began to pull himself together. He would not be defeated. “I have a tendency to use my cunning, at least much more than others, who would easily flounder.”

 

Excellent. Very good recovery, if he could say so himself.

 

Triton and Poseidon were the ones glowering this time, and they were expressing so outwardly. He briefly sent a smirk their way.

 

“Speaking about smooth,” Percy cut in obliviously. “When I was younger, when I met Hades, I thought his voice was oily, but later on and especially lately, I’ve been thinking it’s more like velvet. Very smooth and edgy with danger kinda too. It’s really silky when he talks, and it’s one of those voices that would be nice to fall asleep to, I’d think.”

 

Poseidon and Triton gaped at him in disbelief, with Hades also rather dumbfounded, but also really flattered. He made a mental note to speak more around Percy, even more than he’d taken to lately. And especially at night, preferably in bed and when it was time for sleep or other activities…

 

The door burst open and Zeus came through it, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, beige cargo pants, and a straw hat while a lei necklace hung around his neck.

 

“Aloha!” he yelled enthusiastically. “Party crashing, dear family! After all, why wasn’t I invited?” he pouted, though he glared dangerously at Hades for a second, uncaught by only Percy.

 

“Er, this was supposed to be a dinner date between Hades and I,” Percy smiled uncertainly, causing Zeus to twitch at the admission. “He’d promise he’d cook, and his cooking is awesome. Sorry, Lord Zeus.”

 

“None of that ‘Lord’ business,” Zeus waved off, taking a seat anyway. “And I can cook too!” he grinned at Percy.

 

Hades was outwardly glowering as well. “Fool family,” he grumbled under his breath.

 

“Anyways –”

 

“Anyway,” Percy created before blushing. “Ah, I must be hanging around Athena too much.”

 

“Athena?” Poseidon gawped.

 

They also noted that she wasn’t referred to as ‘Lady.’

 

And so Percy described his time with her before, and how it had ended up being in a restaurant with the three females getting all catty with each other.

 

All of them growled. So Athena was on the radar, eh? Well, she was on their radar as well…

 

“Anyway,” Zeus inwardly huffed at the news. “I’ve been enjoying the wayside and hear we’re going to stop by an island pretty soon. You should come look around with me! We should spend time together. I’ll even barbecue!”

 

Percy was surprised and hesitantly agreed, before the others had a chance to recover and protest for him.

 

Hades continued to glower.

 

This had not been how he’d pictured his dinner with Percy would go. It was a complete mess, and it was all because of his blasted brothers! And Triton, the little brat…

 

“Ah, it’s time to leave!” Poseidon said suddenly. “Late, late, late! Probably bedtime. Come along, kids! Goodbye, my non-brothers I never acknowledge!” and Poseidon was suddenly and quickly ushering Triton and Percy away, the sea family practically disappearing.

 

Zeus pouted, but stood up as well. “Guess I’m gone too. Bye, Zombie Brother.”

 

And then Hades was left staring dumbfounded at the door, dumbfounded for an entirely bad reason this time.

 

“Argh!” he slammed his hands down on the table in frustration. He glared at nothing in particular, before something caught his eyes. His lips slowly curled into a smile.

 

Hades still had one more trick up his sleeve.

 

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Luke stood in the hallway, humming aimlessly. A little girl just walked into that same hallway before stopping short and her little grin dropping.

 

“Are you lost?” Luke smiled, tilting his head with his eyes closed.

 

Her lips twitched awkwardly into a smile. “N-no. I was heading to…Big Brother’s room.”

 

“Is that so?”

 

“…Yes,” she said more firmly.

 

“Okay.”

 

She blinked before inwardly sighing and walking passed the blond demigod, and heading further into the hallway and closer to the room she was intending to go into. She stood up on her tiptoes and turned the knob, opening it with a little godly power and therefore bypassing the lock.

 

She missed the cloth heading straight at her face and covering her mouth.

 

Thalia smirked as she held the cloth to the girl’s mouth, the godly chloroform doing a good job at knocking the girl out.

 

“Totally, completely, utterly sorry, Lady Artemis,” Luke drawled unrepentantly. “Good job, Thals.”

 

“Good job to you too,” she snickered, tying up the goddess with ninja wire.

 

They fist bumped. “Oh yeah! Ninja warriors!” they grinned at each other.

 

They paused.

 

“Does that count as crossing fandoms?” Thalia asked, curious.

 

“Well, there is that obstacle show…”
 

“Nah. Pass it.”

 

 They shrugged and picked up the unconscious goddess, carrying her into some empty room to lock her up in.

 

At the same time…

 

Percy took a quick shower, mindless of the trouble that had gone on outside of his room. He wasn’t even really sleepy, and it was rather early (What on earth was his dad talking about, it being late? It wasn’t late at all!). He was thinking of maybe browsing through the channels on the awesome big flat screen in his room, having not gotten time to actually take a crack at it before.

 

He had just finished toweling his hair and leaving the towel around his neck, and pulling up loose pants onto his lower half, when he walked out into his room and at the same time Hades had shadowwalked right into the room.

 

The god stumbled on his last step and gawped. “Uh…” he held up the cheesecake. “I didn’t want it to go to waste?” he said weakly.

 

Percy stared. Then stars were in his eyes. “The. Best.”

 

“The cheesecake or me?” Hades blinked.

 

“Whatever you feel like thinking,” Percy rushed over and snatched the cheesecake, heading straight for his kitchen for plates and utensils.

 

Hades adorned a smug grin.
 

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“Conspiracy!”

 

“No, just very, very good luck for them. And very bad luck for us,” Rachel pouted.

 

Annabeth growled. “Well, it’s not fair.”

 

“Nope. We can never find Percy or corner him.”

 

“It’s all those blasted gods’ fault!” Annabeth shook her hand at the sky. “Between my own mother and that deceitful –”

 

“Very blood good,” Rachel interrupted.

 

“ –Conniving, lying Lord of the Underworld, it’s impossible to get a lock on Percy! We only have one choice, Red!”

 

“Don’t call me that,” Rachel huffed. “And what choice is that?”

 

“We must seek out…the fanclubs.”

 

Rachel stared at her in horror, thinking she was obviously out of her mind.

 

“Are you insane?! What are you thinking? We can’t do that! We’ll be mauled! Taken and eaten alive!”

 

Annabeth looked at her solemnly. “It’s our only choice. The fangirls and fanboys are the ones with techniques beyond our understanding and current skill. You know how they’re able to just sense all and easily track and/or capture their victims. They’re the ultimate stalkers, and we need those skills to be able to even find Percy, much less get to him. “

 

Rachel winced. “You’re right. We…have no other choice.”

 

They looked at each other and traded wary looks, shivering but becoming determined.

 

“To our Quest,” Annabeth intoned gravely.

 

“To our Quest,” Rachel toasted back, though she looked queasy.

 

They sighed and together they set out to go looking for the domain of the darkest beings known to mankind.

 

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Aphrodite was mumbling to herself, and no one dared to come near her. Not even Ares.

 

She was busy rifling through tons of books, oddly enough, trying to search for an answer. Truth be told, she wasn’t at all affected by the arrows her son had accidentally shot at everyone. She was the Goddess of Love. Her son’s powers wouldn’t affect and bother her at all.

 

That being said, she was enjoying this entire spectacle. She loved it and all the drama and craziness that was occurring, especially as all the others were engulfed and being affected by her domain, of which they all usually laughed and scoffed at.

 

Who was having the last laugh now?

 

She let out a little giggle.

 

Despite not being affected like the others, she was going along with it and having fun, particularly since she herself liked Percy very much. As did the others, even before those silly, blasted arrows…but that was either kept buried (like really buried) or overlooked as something else, depending on who it was. That being said, this was a very good opportunity and made all the others confront feelings, even those not affected by the arrows (and who realized they’d have to up their game). Plus, they were all acting so silly and out of character, and it was providing very good entertainment for herself.

 

And upping her powers, while they were at it.

 

Still, she was looking for a cure, if only to help poor Percy. Sooner or later, things would have to go back to…sort of normal (things would have to change after this debacle), but that didn’t mean she couldn’t enjoy herself and the spectacle in the meantime.

 

She shut the book loudly, smiling widely.

 

And well…there really was no hurry. She certainly wasn’t.

 

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Clarisse’s eyes were wide as she stared in awe.

 

“Bloody hell. These cameras are awesome.”