Can't Take Back the Unspoken Words

 

“This is very strange,” Tristan admitted. “But it actually looks a little familiar.”

 

Merlin blinked at him, completely surprised. “Really?”

 

Tristan took the paper from her and held it up. “Yeah. I don’t know why, but it just does. And also, it kind of seems like…an old language. European in nature. Somewhere in that area –the written words and style…Old Welsh maybe. Old Gaelic…I can get this translated with one of my programs, if you want? My company does this kind of thing all the time –one of the departments takes care of it.”

 

“Could you really? I didn’t think it’d be possible or if you could really help me with it,” Merlin asked, feeling relieved. “It would mean a lot, Tristan. I think it’s supposed to be important.”

 

“You think it’s important?” he grinned, teasing her.

 

Her face flushed slightly red and she smacked his arm lightly. “Punk.”

 

“Of course,” his eyes were practically twinkling at her.

 

“Hey…is it really alright I came here?” Merlin asked nervously, picking at her clothes. “This is where you work. I don’t want to get you into trouble or anything, or get people to start talking about you because of me. I mean…rumors or something, and if you want, you could just pretend I’m your little sister or something…”

 

“Stop rambling,” he smiled softly at her, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “One, I don’t answer to nobodies and I wouldn’t care what the hell they’re saying. Two, I’m the boss, so I definitely don’t care what they would say and I wouldn’t be getting in trouble from anyone, even authorities, given I’m not breaking any laws. To hell with rumors. Everyone can just go f –”

 

Merlin slapped her palm over his mouth and raised an eyebrow, gaining a smug look in return. She rolled her eyes and removed her hand before he could get the smart idea to lick her hand or something equally inane to mess with her.

 

“Haha,” she replied dryly.

 

“Anyway, thirdly, you dressed as maturely as you usually act,” Tristan pointed out, trying to reassure her. “You look much older than you are.”

 

“I do?” Merlin asked eagerly.

 

Before he could answer her back, there was a knock on his office door. The two of them turned to look at it in surprise. After a quick look at Merlin, Tristan bid the person to enter and saw his secretary Will open the door.

 

“Sir, I have some paperwork for you to sign,” Will held up the papers.

 

“Alright, hand it here, Will,” Tristan sighed.

 

Accepting the papers, Tristan gained a thoughtful look before pulling Merlin over to his side and addressing Will again.

 

“Will, this is Merlin,” he introduced her.

 

Startled, Will offered her a warm smile quickly, once he regained his bearings.

 

“Pleased to meet you, Miss. I’m William Washburn, Mr. De Bois’ secretary.”

 

“Hello,” Merlin shyly greeted him back.

 

“I’ve got a question for you, Will,” Tristan went back to his main goal. “How old do you think Merlin is?”

 

“Sir?” Will was taken aback. So was Merlin too. They both turned to look at him.

 

“Just answer the question,” Tristan insisted.

 

“Er…young, I suppose. Twenties? Early to mid?”

 

Now that caused Merlin to look at Will in surprise.

 

“Good guess,” Tristan looked smug. “17 actually.”

 

Will’s jaw dropped slightly. “Oh! Er, I’m quite sorry for the mistake, Miss Merlin, Mr. De Bois. Is she a new intern?”

 

“Nope. She’s my girlfriend. Now out with you, Will, and it’s back to dreary work for the both of us!” and yet Tristan sounded cheery as he ushered his secretary and friend out the door.

 

Closing it, he turned back to see Merlin staring at him in shock.

 

“Was that really a good idea?” she asked worriedly. “Telling my age and especially with telling him I’m your girlfriend?”

 

“Of course,” he brought her into his arms and held her in reassurance. “I’m not ashamed of you,” he murmured.

 

Her face burned hot.

 

“You know, it’s best to get it out now. Slowly get this place used to that fact,” Tristan mused quietly. “Let the information go public on our terms, given that there will probably be media problems about it.”

 

“The media?” Merlin’s eyes widened and she leaned back from him, so she could stare at him in panic.

 

He winced. “Given who I am and well,” here he looked uncomfortable, “I did…use to spend my time with different women…lots of women,” she couldn’t help but scowl at that and instinctively grab tighter onto Tristan possessively, before blushing and lightening her hold. He was rather more pleased about her reaction and tightened his hold instead in return. “It’s been a long time since my usual activities. It would be long noticed by now, that I haven’t been seen out with a different woman every other week.”

 

Embarrassingly happy that she was the one to break his habit and that she was the only woman in his life like that, she was still rather wary and uneasy about having to deal with the media knowing about her and possibly bothering her about herself and her relationship with Tristan. He noticed.

 

“And don’t worry about the press too much,” he tried to soothe her worries. “Honestly, between Uther and I, I wouldn’t be surprised if the press are too afraid to even be within a foot of you.”

 

Feeling a little bit better and less worried, she decided to push it aside for now and leaned into him, soaking in his presence and warmth.

 

“So, before our inevitable dinner of doom tonight, what should we have for lunch right now?” Tristan asked her.

 

“Something that’ll prepare and steel me for seeing and interacting with blond prats that I have no wish to really be near right now,” she muttered into his chest, further burrowing herself into him at the thought. “Preferably something that will knock me out and excuse me from tonight.”

 

Tristan laughed heartily and hugged her close.

 

“How about I make sure to include a huge dessert?”

 

“…Okay.”

 

Merlin was really not looking forward to seeing Arthur Pendragon that night and dealing with his idiocy.

 

And…she just had this sinking feeling in her gut…

 

~*~*~

 

Football practice had become a time of patience and withheld ill-tempers.

 

Lance had kept trudging through them with an irritable air, and he particularly directed his ire at Arthur. Since that time with Merlin’s so-called “date,” Lance had been pissed off at Arthur. He wanted nothing more than to beat the crap out of the other boy, but he wasn’t the type to get violent and physical with someone. So he’d been trying to give the other the silent treatment and cold shoulder.

 

But he was so angry at the other and it was hard holding back from throwing a punch into the other’s face.

 

Merlin had ended up getting a boyfriend anyway, though he had yet to meet the man. Well, face to face. Honestly, it had been a bit weird to get a call from the guy out of nowhere, a little after the time when their mom had been introduced to Merlin’s boyfriend. But Tristan, as he’d introduced himself, had told Lance that while he couldn’t meet him just yet, since he was waiting for Merlin to make the official introductions on her terms, he had wanted to make a small introduction to Lance, since he was Merlin’s brother and someone she cared about.

 

Lance kind of liked the guy.

 

Before that, he hadn’t known Merlin had a boyfriend at all. All he knew was that Merlin kept going out and was being secretive about something, and hadn’t wanted to talk about it to anyone. He’d assumed it had something to do with Arthur and what happened, and decided to give her as much space as she’d wanted.

 

He was a bit worried, since Tristan seemed much older than Merlin, but he really didn’t want to say too much because his sister was all smiles around the home, and she seemed so happy –unlike before.

 

Gwen was being a great help and support to him, and patiently listened to him rant about Arthur and his worries about Merlin (and now about her and her new boyfriend). He’d probably of cracked long ago, if it hadn’t been for her.

 

Practice was just finishing up, he realized, and he hurried to get into the locker room. He saw Arthur laughing with Leon on the way and his eyes darkened angrily.

 

He clenched his hand painfully and once again withheld the urge to punch his lights out.

 

~*~*~

 

Uther was extremely nervous. He really wasn’t counting on how this dinner would actually go, and was just hoping for the best.

 

But he knew his son, and he knew Arthur had the Pendragon temper.

 

He’d already informed his kids that their Uncle Tristan was coming over for dinner, and aside from some minor complaints from Arthur about being forced to stay home and endure it, that was just ignored and the whole of them were getting ready for it.

 

He hadn’t mentioned anything about Merlin’s presence.

 

So when 8 o’clock was reached, the doorbell rung and both Morgana and Arthur had been there as he opened it, and were both surprised to see Merlin hovering shyly by Tristan’s elbow.

 

“Merlin! What are you doing here?” Morgana cried out happily.

 

“I invited her for the dinner,” Uther interrupted, and he saw Merlin looking relieved.

 

“You two must’ve run into each other, huh? Hey, Uncle Tristan. Long time no see. Merlin,” Arthur greeted Tristan lazily, while giving Merlin a smirk.

 

She quite obviously ignored him, while Tristan politely greeted Arthur hello. Neither of them bothered to correct Arthur on their presence at the door together.

 

Morgana, on the hand, was growing more and more curious about this sudden visit from their Uncle Tristan, considering last she remembered he and Uther were on strained terms and weren’t likely to have any sort of family meal with each other. She was happy to see Merlin though, even when she wondered why she’d been invited to this family dinner –not that the rest of them didn’t consider Merlin family, minus stupid and prattish Arthur. It was just that Uncle Tristan hadn’t met or even known about her before then. Maybe Uther had wanted Merlin’s support and presence while trying to meet with their uncle, taking into account the two men’s troublesome relationship?

 

As they sat down at the dinner table and began serving themselves the food that was laid out, everyone made idle chatter and tried to ignore the awkwardness that surrounded them. In mid-dinner, Morgana finally snapped and was the first to speak up and try to figure out what was really going on.

 

“Okay, there is obviously something going on,” Morgana put down her utensils on her plate with a loud clack! and then stared down the two men at the table. “Speak up or forever hold your peace,” she said sarcastically. “And don’t hold back for Merlin’s sake –she’s practically family.”

 

The two men looked at each other, before Uther took the initiative.

 

“Er, actually, this has nothing to do with the two of us,” he surprisingly revealed.

 

“Yes, we actually made up over coffee and a girl,” Tristan added dryly.

 

“A girl?” Arthur’s eyebrows flew up.

 

Before the other two could reply, things took a stranger turn as Merlin broke into the conversation.

 

“I’m dating your uncle,” she blurted out, shocking them all.

 

For a moment, everyone was silent and frozen still. And then Morgana took one look at Merlin and then at her uncle, and smirked.

 

“Well, hey! I guess you were right, Uther –Merlin is dating a cute guy,” her smirk widened gleefully and Tristan tossed a confused look over at Uther, who avoided looking at anyone.

 

Arthur abruptly stood up, his chair skidding back. “This is a joke, right? It’s not a really funny one! Really, guys! If you’re still trying to teach me a lesson and tell me how stupid I was before, fine! But this is really too far!” he shouted furiously.

 

Morgana raised an eyebrow at him, while Uther looked at him blankly. Merlin was glaring away from him, as Tristan watched him dispassionately.

 

“If it’s a joke, I’m not in on it,” Morgana sniffed disdainfully at him. “Unfortunately,” she added with a slight pout.

 

To make it worse, Tristan reached over and grabbed Merlin’s hand, holding it tightly and without looking away from Arthur.

 

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Arthur blew up. “Come on, Merlin! You really can’t be serious! He’s our uncle! He’s-he’s way too old for you! It’s disgusting!”

 

Merlin flinched violently, while Tristan pursed his lips. Uther had been about to interrupt and reprimand Arthur and try to calm things down, when Morgana decided to cut in first.

 

“Hey, Merlin still actually gets to officially be brought into the family! Too bad she’ll be taking on the De Bois name, instead of Pendragon though.”

 

Without warning, Arthur grabbed his cup of water and doused Morgana with the water. The next moment was utter chaos as everyone was scrambling out of their chairs and shock at the occurring events was spreading rapidly.

 

“Shut up, Morgana! Stop trying to make it worse!” Arthur screamed at her.

 

Morgana looked absolutely furious, face wet and hair drenched and weighed down.

 

“I’m not the idiot who let her go and keeps making everything worse!” she was practically hissing at him.

 

“At least I’m not a cuckoo brat!” Arthur yelled back.

 

Everything went quiet at that, though Merlin wasn’t sure why. All she knew was that Uther was looking at Arthur in betrayal, Morgana looked so, so hurt, and even Tristan looked taken aback. Arthur, just Arthur, still looked enraged.

 

“That was uncalled for,” Tristan glared sternly at Arthur, but Merlin could see his breathing was labored, Uther was blanking out, and Morgana was crying. There were actual tears streaming down her face.

 

“I don’t want to hear anything from you, cradle robber,” Arthur spat out.

 

Tristan reeled back, flinching even worse than Merlin had earlier, and was tightly holding Merlin to his side –almost painfully, though she barely noticed, too in shock at what was happening.

 

“This was a mistake. We shouldn’t have come,” Tristan said quietly, finally releasing Merlin from his side, and instead reaching to gently hold onto her hand.

 

He started to leave the dinner table, and Merlin followed after him, wanting to just get out of there. But Arthur wasn’t done yet and had strode towards them quickly, desperately reaching out and grabbing onto Merlin’s arm, stopping them before they could get too far.

 

“You can’t do this, Merlin. This is a mistake. You can’t possibly want to be with him,” Arthur was squeezing her arm, and unlike before with Tristan, she noticed the pain quite easily.

 

“Arthur, let go. You’re hurting me,” she whimpered.

 

But Arthur wasn’t listening, too intent on trying to make her see clearly. “Don’t be thick, Merlin! Besides, he’s a known womanizer! You can’t possibly trust him not to run off with someone else! Hell, he’s probably just playing around with you! Can’t you see that?!”

 

Tristan finally had enough and yanked Arthur away from Merlin, trying to make sure to do so without further hurting her.

 

“That’s enough, Arthur. You’re hurting her,” he growled, gently pushing Merlin behind him to make sure she would be okay.

 

But Arthur responded by throwing himself forward and punching him in the jaw, making him stumble off and be a little dazed, while Arthur tried to storm back towards Merlin. But Tristan regained his bearings quick enough, that he managed to catch Arthur midstride, grabbing the front of the teen’s shirt and harshly shoved him back, causing Arthur to tumble back and fall onto the floor on his backside.

 

“I swear to God, Arthur,” Tristan snarled. “My dear Igraine’s son or not, I will deck you hard if you keep rushing towards Merlin and scaring the crap out of her, nephew.”

 

With that, he gently took hold of Merlin again, and tenderly steered her out of that mess.

 

Uther lifted his head and saw Morgana rush out of the room just at that time, and his son still sitting on the floor. He slowly stumbled up, bumping into the still half-full table and making quite a bit of noise that he simply just ignored. His son looked over to him, but Uther didn’t even look his way as he blankly walked away from the table and out of the room. He just felt too tired for anything right then.

 

For a moment, he regained his senses and he worried about Merlin and Morgana, and wondered how his two girls were taking things. He wondered who he should go to first, and remembered that Merlin was with Tristan and felt relieved, and knew that Tristan would take care of her. So he searched out Morgana and fretted dully at her disappearance, wondering if maybe she ran away and was staying with a friend or something.

 

But then he looked out and saw Morgana outside, in the backyard and sitting with her legs to her chest on the patio. He trekked outside and sat down next to her, sitting still and quietly with her. She sniffled once and Uther turned towards her. Her face was still a little wet and he used his hand to wipe away the stray wet droplets. He gave her a blank smile and kissed her forehead.

 

“Darling, you know I love you, right? No matter what, you will always be my daughter,” he murmured.

 

Her lips quirked up and she leaned a little bit into him. He hummed a little before squeezing her once and then starting to move away.

 

“Uther?” Morgana stopped feeling a bit miserable and became a little worried.

 

He felt…outside of his body.

 

Uther gave a small smile and stood up. “I just feel a little tired, is all. I will see you tomorrow, Morgana.”

 

And then he began the oddly longer than usual walk to his room, where he slipped under the covers and lifted them over his head and buried himself under completely, hiding from the world. Then he remembered.

 

Ah, his antidepressants.

 

He would need them after such a trying and exhausting night that left him miserable and empty.

 

~*~*~

 

“Oh dear, this is all so amusing,” Nimueh laughed, watching her scrying bowl in amusement.

 

“You wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with the happenings, do you?” Edwin’s voice cut through the silence, and she turned to see him at the door to her classroom, watching her warily and tensed as if waiting for an attack.

 

“Not at all,” she laughed again. “I haven’t influenced a thing! And that’s what makes all this even more entertaining. They’re self-imploding all on their own!”

 

Edwin scowled and chanced a few steps closer. “You’re a nuisance.”

 

“Am I?” she watched him with half-hooded eyes.

 

Forewarning wasn’t necessary as she knew just when he would attempt the attack, and flung up a shield to protect herself. Edwin cursed and rapidly fired spell after spell at the sorceress, who blocked most of them and dodged the rest, while retaliating with nastier curses.

 

Edwin had just jumped out of the way of one of her attacks, when he realized too late that it was a misdirection and ended up hit by the real attack. He bit back a scream, refusing to show any weakness to her.

 

Nimueh tutted mockingly at him, but didn’t really care. “Ah, but isn’t lightning one of your and your little protégée’s favorite attacks?” she asked contemptuously.

 

“Yeah, actually, it is,” he surprised her by replying wittily, grinning madly.

 

With a flash and bang!, the whole area lit up and Nimueh felt lightning scorch her skin. Screeching, she cast a powerful shield that reflected the rest of the attack, but when the room cleared, Edwin was nowhere in sight.

 

He’d managed to buy himself some time with that attack, and he leaned against the wall outside in the courtyard of the school. He coughed up some blood and hunched in on himself as lightning arced through his body.

 

That had been incredibly stupid.

 

He had never been a match for Nimueh. She had been more powerful than him back then, and in this time, where his powers were weakened and bound, Edwin was still definitely no match for her.

 

He’d just been hoping he could get rid of her before she could do any damage to Merlin.

 

~*~*~

 

Tristan had taken her to his home, intending to finish off dinner there. They’d finished quickly, but everything was silent and tense. Tristan had been in the middle of making her hot cocoa to cheer her up, when he finally spoke.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

“There have been better nights,” but she managed a small, if tired, smile.

 

He returned it reluctantly. “I’m sorry you had to be in the middle of that,” he muttered. “It shouldn’t have exploded in front of you.”

 

Merlin fidgeted, but asked, “What did Arthur mean? About Morgana?” because she didn’t want to focus on the insults directed towards her and Tristan either, and Morgana’s pained face still seemed fresh in her mind.

 

Tristan sighed and brought her mug over to her, sitting himself next to her before he began to talk.

 

“Morgana isn’t Uther’s actual daughter,” he revealed, and Merlin was shocked. She knew it had been odd how Morgana always referred to Uther by name, but she had always assumed it was because she had grown up with her mother and stepfather. “It’s…very complicated,” Tristan grimaced.

 

Merlin patiently waited for him, reaching over to hold his hand and squeeze in encouragement.

 

“Do you know what a cuckold is? Symbolically?” he asked quietly, and she shook her head. “A cuckold basically has its meaning based around the cuckoo birds and their mating habits. Hence, Arthur calling Morgana a cuckoo brat. Relating to humans, historically a cuckold is a husband with an adulterous wife.”

 

Merlin’s eyes widened and she was still so confused and there were just so many questions whirling around in her head.

 

“It can also be applied to a male who’s investing parental effort on a child that’s not even theirs, probably not even knowingly.”

 

Merlin’s heart just about stopped and she was staring at Tristan, mind halting to a blank.

 

“Morgana’s mother, Vivienne, is a real head case,” he muttered. “Clinically, everyone knew she was bipolar, which truthfully, Morgana might have inherited from her,” he winced. “But that really didn’t excuse Vivienne. Being bipolar didn’t make her who she was, and wasn’t a good justification for the things she did and how she was. She was cruel, selfish, and downright manipulative,” he said ruefully.

 

Merlin didn’t think she’d like this Vivienne woman.

 

“Everyone knew that, for the longest time, Vivienne had really wanted Uther,” Tristan revealed yet another head-turning revelation. “Gorlois, her husband,” ‘And Morgana’s father,’ Merlin added in her head, “willfully turned a blind eye to his wife’s pursuits. And yet, somehow, one day she’d managed to ensnare Uther and they’d had a brief affair, which resulted in the birth of Morgana.”

 

That made Merlin sit up straight. “Wait, I thought you said that Morgana wasn’t Uther’s actual daughter?”

 

Tristan glared at the tabletop. “We don’t actually know for sure. You see, for a few years, until Morgana was six, she’d been brought up by Vivienne and Gorlois, and everyone thought she was his daughter. And then, all of a sudden, Vivienne claimed Morgana was Uther’s and revealed the whole entire affair. She didn’t have proof and Uther and Igraine just accepted it and asked for full custody of Morgana, and Vivienne surprisingly granted it. Morgana moved in with Uther and Igraine, and has lived with the Pendragons ever since.”

 

“Why doesn’t Uther just get a paternity test then?” she asked curiously.

 

Tristan took a small sip of her hot cocoa and it seemed to perk him up a bit from the morose air he had been exuding.

 

“I don’t think it really mattered. Uther is just the type to accept responsibility unquestioningly and when it was claimed that Morgana was his, he took her in without another word. And he loved her in either case, no matter the truth. Morgana was his daughter, whether or not she truly was by blood. And before he developed the love he had now, in the beginning, there was just no way he was going to leave Morgana in the hands of someone like Vivienne, and even Gorlois who couldn’t just reign in his wife. Taking an actual paternity test would result in having her returned to those two, if it turned out she really wasn’t Uther’s, and neither he nor Igraine were going to chance letting Morgana go back.

 

“And so, when you think about it, Arthur’s words could have meant either Uther or Gorlois. Uther raising a child not his, Gorlois raising a child not his for awhile…and along with having a wife like that…I don’t know who Arthur meant, or if he really meant to imply an exact person in his statement, but in any case, it’s not even supposed to be brought up at all. There’s a spoken agreement that it’s not supposed to be talked about, and I don’t know what he was thinking, bringing it up.”

 

Merlin swallowed harshly and felt uneasy.

 

“There’s more, isn’t there.”

 

Tristan rubbed the bridge of his nose and nodded. “We say affair, but the truth is far from that. All other family members know what happened, and depending on whom, they’ll call either or both Uther and Gorlois cuckolds, depending on who they believe is Morgana’s actual father. However, that’s as far as they know things. To the immediate family members involved, Uther and Vivienne didn’t quite have an affair. It was more like…rape.”

 

Merlin jolted forward, forgetting the table, and hurt herself on it, as well as accidentally shaking her mug and spilling hot cocoa over the table. Tristan went to get some paper towels to clean up the mess, but Merlin could only stare after him in disbelief.

 

“Only Uther, Igraine, Vivienne, and Gorlois know the exact happenings, but I and some others know enough,” he said quietly, not looking at her as he mopped up the mess. “Apparently, Vivienne had drugged Uther’s drink. Gorlois, whether or not he actually knew what it was for, was the one who supplied the drug. She’d been hoping to make Uther see that they belonged together or something, but it obviously didn’t work. Even the whole Morgana thing was some ploy to get Uther, and separate him and Igraine. Vivienne hoped the knowledge of an affair and that Uther having a child with another woman would be enough to make Igraine upset and divorce Uther, as that’s what usually happens when that happens, but Uther had long already told Igraine beforehand of what had happened. Entirely what happened. Needless to say, Igraine had been disgusted with both Vivienne and Gorlois and didn’t hesitate to tell me or our brother Agravaine about most of it.

 

“On the other hand, it’s kept to being an ‘affair.’ None of us wanted the media craze, the legal problems, none of that to bother us. Uther didn’t want to bother with any of it, and he didn’t want it to bother Igraine. And he didn’t want to drag the kids into it either. It was all just…swept under the rug. And the rest of the family didn’t really need to know the whole truth, because the less people who knew, the less chance it could get out to the public and spread the scandal. There was enough trouble hiding Morgana’s problem within the family, we didn’t want to add to it. And well, family can be cruel on their own. The judgment and gossiping is enough with just an affair scandal being known. The truth would have caused disgrace.”

 

That made Merlin frown. How could anyone think badly of Uther and Igraine in this?

 

“We don’t talk to them or avoid them if we have to be near. Even though I had previously been on bad terms with Uther, I still kept to that and refused to be anywhere near those two,” Tristan sat back down next to her, looking exhausted.

 

“They’re still together? What do you mean if you have to be near them?” Merlin scrunched her eyebrows.

 

“They are still together,” Tristan confirmed. “And…well, Gorlois is Uther’s cousin.”

 

Merlin winced. “Oh.”

 

And then she remembered the family reunion they still had to go to.

 

She winced even more. “Oh.”

 

Suddenly, her phone rang and she glanced at it in surprise. Reaching for it, she could see Morgana’s name on the caller id. She grabbed for it and answered.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Merlin! You have to come to the hospital! Uther’s overdosed on his meds!”